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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

There are a growing demand for fresh water nowadays and this is becoming a global problem. What are the causes and solutions?

#demand #water
These days demanding freshwater is becoming a universal problem that countries are facing. There are multiple causes that can be considered. There is much that can be done to tackle the problem constructively.
Firstly
 ,there are numerous causes that human beings can not ignore.
For example
 ,in most countries
where
Correct word choice
that
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 are located
among
Change preposition
in
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 deserts ,the population are facing a noticeable drought
that is
 destroying their agricultural grounds. These troubles are
due to
 some
man_made
Correct your spelling
man-made
 disasters
such
 as releasing toxic wastes into the sea that could cause a reduction in the sea level.
Additionally
 ,factories create high pollution levels that could remove clouds from the sky.
Therefore
 ,
this
 makes it clear many activities can be conducted by humans that create water problems.
Secondly
 ,apart from
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
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 that the globe is facing,multiple solutions can be reflected
on
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apply
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.
For instance
 ,one possible approach would be for governments to ensure that spilling
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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 by people and factories is halted. To solve
this
 issue ,city authorities can encourage citizens and senior managers to do some recycling activities.
This
 can save river and ocean waters. Another feasible approach would be for individuals to stop utilising personal vehicles to reduce pollution. Creating more clouds can aid
to increase
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in increasing
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 rainy days.
This
 approval can be tackled by exerting public transport systems.
As a result
 ,it becomes apparent there are many ways to tackle a kind of trouble that should be pondered. All things considered ,
this
 is true that these troubles will not be tackled effortlessly ,
however
 ,
this
 is not a reason to avoid taking action. It is predicted that to assemble governments and communities the world will not
be faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 these dire situations in the near future.
Submitted by maede.sadeghi8520 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly respond to the essay prompt. Develop the discussion on causes and solutions more comprehensively to provide a deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the organization of the essay by structuring it with clear paragraphs and topic sentences. Additionally, strengthen the introduction and conclusion to better frame the discussion.

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