IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today school should teach thier student how to suvive finacially in the world today t what extent do you agree or disagree

#school #thier #student #suvive #world
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In the current era, Financial
management
Use synonyms
 should be included in the institution’s curriculum in order to survive in a practical world. Personally, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement as pupils would gain large numbers of benefits from economic subjects. To start with, Nowadays, there are many subjects in school, which are not practical in the exact world,
such
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 as
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
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 subjects which consist of arithmetic and number theory.
Thus
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, adding financial
management
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 skills, which include saving, planning and growing
money
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 in the academic syllabus, provides many positive outcomes to individuals at an early stage of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For instance
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, the Srinakarinwirot
university
Capitalize word
University
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 demonstration school in Bangkok successfully increased the acknowledgement of finance and awareness of economic issues that could affect them at an adult stage.
As a result
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, those adolescents are seriously concerned about
money
Use synonyms
management
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.
Furthermore
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, Financial
management
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 is not only teaching about managing
money
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 but
also
Linking Words
 gaining knowledge of investment. Investing in cryptocurrency
is
Verb problem
has
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 recently popular
in
Change preposition
with
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wide
Correct article usage
a wide
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 ranges of
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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, especially
in
Change preposition
apply
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adolescents as It easily generates
money
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 in either
short-term
Correct word choice
the short
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 or
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
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.
However
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, most people would face a diversity of risks if they lack acknowledgement.
Hence
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, the current school should include that subject in order to avoid losing the quantity of
money
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 at an early age and other horrible drawbacks. In conclusion, Educating younger individuals in academics about
money
Use synonyms
management
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 in daily life allows them to raise their knowledge and awareness, which can generate a bunch of
money
Use synonyms
 at a young age by investing in digital currency or other methods.
Submitted by weipanalog on

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task response
Ensure to have a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the task question. The agreement or disagreement with the statement should be clearly stated in the introduction.
task response
Include a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the opinion on financial management in schools.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transition between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next, building a coherent argument.
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