IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now one big traffic jam. how true do you think this statement is? what measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars

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It is argued that the main cause of
traffic
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Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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 in many cities in the world is due to the amount of
car
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ownership
Use synonyms
 which has increased so fast during the past thirty years. In my view, I suppose to say it is certainly true because people tend to use their own transport to commute.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the increasing amount of
car
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ownership
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 was caused by the payment system that the dealers gave. The most favourite way to pay is annually payment per month. In Indonesia, someone who wants to buy a motorcycle or
car
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 just need to bring her identification card to process the instal payment, which is so easy.
Consequently
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, the
traffic
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jam
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 in Indonesia, especially in the capital city, Jakarta, is out of control.
However
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, the government should take some actions to reduce
traffic
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Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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,
such
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 as increasing the tax for
car
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ownership
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 and adding more public transportation. People will think twice when they want to buy a
car
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, and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
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 most of them would prefer to go somewhere by bus, commuter line, or any other public transportations due to the lower price. At the end of the time, the
traffic
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jam
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 would gradually decrease. In conclusion, the big
traffic
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jam
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 in many cities is caused by the rising
of
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in
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car
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ownership
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. Even though the dealers offer
the
Correct article usage
apply
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affordable price, people obviously would re-think about
to have
Change the verb form
having
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 one if the government increase the tax and choose
using
Change the verb form
to use
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 public transportation to commute.
Submitted by karimamufidah on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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