IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
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Obesity is one of the serious concerns the world fights with today. Many communities think that many crowds nowadays are overweight than a decade ago. Some believe that the best way to resolve
this
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 problem is to raise the amount of junk bread. I am in partial agreement with the above statement as I solely believe that
this
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 problem can't be tackled only with the increased worth. I would like to shed light in the subsequent paragraph with an appropriate conclusion. Analysing the statement and explaining
further
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,
first
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 and foremost, a hike in the rate of processed meals will help the person to avoid purchasing them
thus
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, the consumption will decrease and as a
,
Remove the comma
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result people will stop eating
a fast snacks
Correct the article-noun agreement
fast snacks
a fast snack
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.
Secondly
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, the rising price of junk helps an individual to eat healthy as they will start looking for more environmentally friendly; plant-based foodstuff items which are beneficial for their health and will help them to increase their lifespan.
On the other hand
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, rising the price is not the best way to control the weight issue as there will be inflation due to which expenditure increases.
Moreover
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, the sales revenue will be lower for those who sell fast bread
as a result
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 their standard of living declines and they will not be able to sustain themselves in the market. To conclude
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, the government must conduct some sort of seminars in which they guide citizens and aware them of the health issues one can have with the more consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast meals. It is the combined effort of both the government and the people.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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