IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#factors #child #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role
It is often held that teachers, peers and the media have a significant influence on the life of scion. While some people argue that these factors are predominant in shaping a child's future, others believe that
parents
 impact their offspring in more critical ways.
This
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. On the one hand, the books offspring read and the music they listen to form their belief system.
In other words
, scions tend to copy the behaviour of their favourite personality or fictional character.
Moreover
, when little ones work and play in groups, they are influenced by their peers.
Finally
, other factors, like the media, prompt the heir to want things regarded as fashionable.
For instance
,
children
 demand toys that they see on television.
On the other hand
, a child's personality is malleable at a very young age, and
parents
 are always present in their life at
this
 stage.
Also
, very young
children
 love to imitate.
For example
,
children
 who come from dysfunctional families often exhibit behavioural problems at school. An emotionally secure environment at home is critical for the child's confidence.
Moreover
,
parents
also
 teach
children
 about setting boundaries. In my opinion,
children
's choice of friends, books or music depends on the values instilled in them by their
parents
.
Therefore
,
parents
 hold more substantial sway over their offspring than media, pop culture and friends circle. In conclusion, the outside world influences the intellectual and social development of
children
.
However
, I believe that it is
parents
 who set the stage for these developments by laying a strong foundation from a very young age.
Submitted by Weallneedit9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: