Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but people believe there are other external factors that influence us . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence

Many people think that

every one

Replace the word

everyone

show examples

should be responsible for their

happiness

but others think external

factors

infulence

Correct your spelling

influence

us as well. It is imperative to

be consider

Change the verb form

be considered

show examples

Correct your spelling

importance

improtance

Correct article usage

the improtance

show examples

of both

sides

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side's

sides'

show examples

opinion

Fix the agreement mistake

opinions

show examples

. In my opinion, I prefer the external

factors

decided the

happiness

type we want. On the one hand,

happiness

was hard to

difine

Correct your spelling

define

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

account of its feature.

However

, some basic needs like

safe

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a safe

show examples

place, enough food and adequate money

shoud

Correct your spelling

should

satified

Correct your spelling

satisfied

before we reach the ultimate

happiness

Thus

, the house size, the level of your dinner and the daily expense

are

Change the verb form

show examples

depent

Correct your spelling

dependent

depend

spent

on us.

This

means how hard we perform in our position and repay the equal feedback.

Therefore

, according to the basic

difination

Correct your spelling

definition

, we should take responsibility to

mantain

Correct your spelling

maintain

the daily

aquirement

Correct your spelling

requirement

acquirement

On the other hand

, when we talk about

Add an article

the more

show examples

advanced meaning of

happiness

. We need to talk about everyone's desire

about

Change preposition

for

show examples

happiness

. Some prefer

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

success in their career, promotion in their job and more money from the work.

Nontheless

Correct your spelling

Nonetheless

, some people will rather choose health and time spending with family.

Hence

, when we focus the advanced

happiness

, we will meet the choice between two options.

For example

, if you want to make more money, you won't have enough time to accompany your family and you may miss the

timimg

Correct your spelling

timing

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

growth. In a fact, many external

factors

truly affect how we

persue

Correct your spelling

pursue

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

happiness

. In conclusion, there is no right or wrong to argue which way is more superior.

Nevertheless

, I prefer to choose the health and time

spending

Replace the word

spent

show examples

with family and both are decided by my will and the external

factors

I option.

Correct your spelling

After all

show examples

Afterall

Correct your spelling

After all

show examples

, we all grow old, we will need

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

support from the family.

Submitted by jerry.low.2000 on Mon Feb 28 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but people believe there are other external factors that influence us . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Both government investment in public transport systems and reductions in public transport ticket prices will help to reduce transport pollution greatly. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some parents think that children should do extracurricular activities. Others think that this will give them pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can governments do to address these problems? What can individual people do?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can a lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?