IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

#nations #wealth #food #education #responsibility #governments #citizens
Nowadays,there are wide gaps in wealth between prosperous and destitute
countries
.
People
 in different types of wealthy
countries
 have enormous different well-being.So there is an argument as to whether or not wealthy nations that have plenty of food and education should share their wealth with poor nations. In the ideal world, If humans were kind and generous when they reached one level where their supplies were more than enough for their
countries
 ,they would have
gave
Change the form of the verb
given
show examples
 them to other populations where their resources were scanty.
However
, normal
people
 are acquisitive so there will not be a level where there is enough. Looking at the past,there were once wealthy states
such
 as England and Spain had provided their education including their languages and other knowledge via colonization.These colonized
countries
 had developed significantly during that time but
also
 they had been doing that in order to take away resources from their colonized country.If they did not get benefits from expanding these,they would not have a reason to do that.
Although
, It may seem hopeless for mankind.Humans still are benevolent.
That is
 to say, when these impoverished
countries
 suffered from disaster.
For instance
,When Haiti had earthquakes in 2010 other nations were willing to help.they donated more than 7 million dollars to help
people
 in Haiti survive
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the shortage of resources. To summarize,In normal situations, it is almost impossible for
people
 to share their wealth so it is the responsibility of the government in poorer ones to look after their citizens.
Nevertheless
, in catastrophic situations, there is still generosity in
this
 world.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is satisfactory with an introduction and conclusion, but ensure all ideas are clearly separated into paragraphs for better clarity.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas more comprehensively and consistently throughout the essay to achieve a full response to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more frequently to connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You have provided a relevant example about Haiti that enriches your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both aspects of the argument as mentioned in the prompt, which is good.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've started with a clear introduction and ended with a conclusion, which is important for structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • global stability
  • economic self-sufficiency
  • sustainable development
  • capacity-building
  • foreign aid
  • mutual benefits
  • trade relations
  • long-term outcomes
  • dependency
  • moral obligation
  • alleviate poverty
  • humanitarian assistance
  • resource allocation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: