Some people think that developing a successful career is more important than spending time with family and friends while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,there is an ongoing debate on
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

-life balance. While some people devote their entire life pursuing their profession, others, prefer to spend time with
love
Replace the word
loved

The word love doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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ones. It can be argued that those who commit to their
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, do so out of the desire to make money, a standpoint I totally agree with.
Conversely
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, workers who put kids
first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe, could be because they want to be part of their
children
Change noun form
children's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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development. On the one hand, being fun of one's family can be due to a
long established
Add a hyphen
long-established

It appears that long established is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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bond.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some employees choose to spend more time with children away from
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, with the aim of helping in their upbringing. As credible as
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

might be, it often comes with a price to the workplace: low output.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun research in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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research had shown that when the staff of an organization spend more time away from
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, it usually
affect
Change the verb form
affects

The verb affect does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the fortunes of the company negatively. On the flip side, some
hires
Change the verb form
hire

The singular verb hires does not appear to agree with the plural subject some. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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like being workaholics, because it helps them to make more money which is used in providing for the family.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is very common in firms that pay their workforce on
hourly
Add an article
an hourly

The noun phrase hourly basis seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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basis.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

set of professionals always
feel
Change the verb form
feels

The plural verb feel does not appear to agree with the singular subject set. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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accomplished by delivering on the mandates of their employers as well as helping them to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve

If you don’t want acheive to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

their set target. Eventually, these outfits will only promote those who were dedicated to service delivery.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a friend of mine
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma may be separating the subject and verb in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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recently enjoyed rapid promotion with
great
Correct article usage
a great

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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compensation package in his workplace following his dutifulness. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion

If you don’t want conclussion to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, it is indeed nice to be
Add an article
a concern

The noun phrase concern seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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concern
Wrong verb form
concerned

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb concern. Consider changing it.

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with our
children
Change noun form
children's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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emotional development, despite our official duties.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe it's more rewarding to be
commited
Correct your spelling
committed

If you don’t want commited to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to our
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for monetary gain and job satisfaction which is what we were recruited for.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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