IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is now possible for researchers to study the behaviour of young children in an attempt to predict whether they will grow up to be criminals, but others to what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

#researchers #study #behaviour #children #attempt #criminals #crime #genetics
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the crime rate has increased drastically. Because of
this
Linking Words
 problem some scientists are attempting to forecast the
future
Use synonyms
 with the help of genetic study to solve the issue of young
children
Use synonyms
 who might turn to be criminals in
future
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, only depending upon the genetic study among young
children
Use synonyms
 will not provide accurate information, since upbringing
also
Linking Words
 plays an
equal
Change the adjective
equally
show examples
 vital role in predicting their
future
Use synonyms
. Some people consider the inherited characteristics of parents passed to their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 may be the culprit among
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour patterns
such
Linking Words
 as role models.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 may remain too shy or become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 by observing the actions of family members.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 some people believe that providing the required environment can be helpful for child development. Educating
kiddie
Fix the agreement mistake
kiddies
show examples
 right from preschool leads to absorbing codes of conduct in the subconscious mind. Apart from that, establishing a set of ground rules and discipline are
also
Linking Words
Change preposition
of
show examples
utmost
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
. After-school childcare is helpful in creating bonding with the guardians. Young
children
Use synonyms
 are considered as pure as clay which can be easy to mould in the beginning but when it gets dry moulding is not possible if more pressure is applied it might break.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 even if foster parents raise a child
that is
Linking Words
well-brought up
Add a hyphen
well-brought-up
show examples
, nurtured with the required environment can become a good person. To conclude, it's not only genetics which shows the patterns of how
children
Use synonyms
 will be in
future
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the environment, the peers and the where they grow up matters a lot.
Submitted by zankrut on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: