Some people believe that our happiness depend on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness.’ Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

#people #happiness #money #‘money #factors

It is deniable that

money

is essential for everyone. Many

people

strongly believe that

money

can buy

happiness

, while others are opposed that the level of

happiness

is not related to the amount of

money

. I will discuss both sides of the issue in

this

essay below. Regarding

people

who of their opinions that

money

is one of the key features to receive the

happiness

, there are many ways to spend

money

for giving rewards ourselves in everyday's life.

In other words

, we pay for our

happiness

in various activities depending on individual lifestyles,

such

as travelling in other countries, dining in Michelin star restaurants or other valuable experiences to fulfil their lives.

Moreover

, it is easy to consider that being wealthy by having much

money

could provide more convenient and more priority choices of our lives than being in poverty.

On the other hand

, some

people

argued that

money

does not mean everything in their lives. There have more crucial factors which much more advantages.

For instance

people

in high society are definitely able to earn lots of

money

Change preposition

from

show examples

their bank account, whereas they need to work hard and live separately with their family.

Therefore

, time

spending

Replace the word

spent

show examples

with their loved ones could be a more important option to complete them than

money

. In conclusion, I understand why some

people

might not approve that

money

is the key to

purchase

Wrong verb form

purchasing

show examples

happiness

Although

, as far as I am concerned about

this

statement, I strongly on the side that having

money

is much more beneficial than lacking

money

as it is a considerable impact on the way of living.

Submitted by mayokz.chalita on Mon Feb 28 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that our happiness depend on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness.’ Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the past, many male leaders had led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it were ruled by women.

Many small business are being forced to close because they are unable compete with multinational corporation? what problems does this cause and how can problems be solved?