Some people believe that our happiness depend on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness.’ Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

#people #happiness #money #‘money #factors

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It is deniable that

money

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is essential for everyone. Many

people

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strongly believe that

money

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can buy

happiness

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, while others are opposed that the level of

happiness

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is not related to the amount of

money

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. I will discuss both sides of the issue in

this

Linking Words

essay below. Regarding

people

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who of their opinions that

money

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is one of the key features to receive the

happiness

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, there are many ways to spend

money

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for giving rewards ourselves in everyday's life.

In other words

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, we pay for our

happiness

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in various activities depending on individual lifestyles,

such

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as travelling in other countries, dining in Michelin star restaurants or other valuable experiences to fulfil their lives.

Moreover

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, it is easy to consider that being wealthy by having much

money

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could provide more convenient and more priority choices of our lives than being in poverty.

On the other hand

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, some

people

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argued that

money

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does not mean everything in their lives. There have more crucial factors which much more advantages.

For instance

Linking Words

people

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in high society are definitely able to earn lots of

money

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Change preposition

from

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their bank account, whereas they need to work hard and live separately with their family.

Therefore

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, time

spending

Replace the word

spent

show examples

with their loved ones could be a more important option to complete them than

money

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. In conclusion, I understand why some

people

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might not approve that

money

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is the key to

purchase

Wrong verb form

purchasing

show examples

happiness

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Although

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, as far as I am concerned about

this

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statement, I strongly on the side that having

money

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is much more beneficial than lacking

money

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as it is a considerable impact on the way of living.

Submitted by mayokz.chalita on Mon Feb 28 2022

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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Some people believe that our happiness depend on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness.’ Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

you're people should be treated like adults if they commit a crime. in what extent do I agree or disagree

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays.

In many countries formal exams are used to assess students’ ability and to judge the success of their education. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using formal exams to assess students’ abilities? Do you think the benefits of using formal exams overweigh the drawbacks?

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies

Some people think that young people electronic and computer games is helpful while the others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.