IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that our happiness depend on how much money we have. Others say that ‘money cannot buy happiness.’ Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

#people #happiness #money #‘money #factors
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It is deniable that
money
 is essential for everyone. Many
people
 strongly believe that
money
 can buy
happiness
, while others are opposed that the level of
happiness
 is not related to the amount of
money
. I will discuss both sides of the issue in
this
 essay below. Regarding
people
 who of their opinions that
money
 is one of the key features to receive the
happiness
, there are many ways to spend
money
 for giving rewards ourselves in everyday's life.
In other words
, we pay for our
happiness
 in various activities depending on individual lifestyles,
such
 as travelling in other countries, dining in Michelin star restaurants or other valuable experiences to fulfil their lives.
Moreover
, it is easy to consider that being wealthy by having much
money
 could provide more convenient and more priority choices of our lives than being in poverty.
On the other hand
, some
people
 argued that
money
 does not mean everything in their lives. There have more crucial factors which much more advantages.
For instance
,
people
 in high society are definitely able to earn lots of
money
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their bank account, whereas they need to work hard and live separately with their family.
Therefore
, time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 with their loved ones could be a more important option to complete them than
money
. In conclusion, I understand why some
people
 might not approve that
money
 is the key to
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
show examples
happiness
.
Although
, as far as I am concerned about
this
 statement, I strongly on the side that having
money
 is much more beneficial than lacking
money
 as it is a considerable impact on the way of living.
Submitted by mayokz.chalita on

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