IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school, while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

#argument #case #reader #specialist #topic #people #art #children #school #waste #time
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In
this
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 competitive world, educational institutes
designs
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design
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 their curriculum to cover
broad
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a broad
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 range of
subjects
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 and try to teach the ones which are not related to
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
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 stream
such
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 as
an
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apply
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art
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. According to a few,
this
Linking Words
 can be beneficial to students while others believe that it is waste of
time
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. In my opinion, along with main
subjects
Use synonyms
, learning
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
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 will be an added advantage. Though science and commerce
subjects
Use synonyms
 are being considered more important,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
and
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art
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 plays
vital
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a vital
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 role in
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 education. In bygone days only
Correct your spelling
mainstream
show examples
main stream
Correct your spelling
mainstream
show examples
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
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 were the top choices for
Correct your spelling
learners
show examples
leaners
Correct your spelling
learners
show examples
 while in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world artistic
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 plays an
equal
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equally
show examples
 important role because learning them in parallel can cultivate an interest and young ones can explore
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 potential as a
second
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 career. To illustrate, an engineering student who learnt graphics design is now able to create
non fungible
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non-fungible
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 tokens for their artworks and sell them in
cryptocurrency
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the cryptocurrency
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 market.
On the other hand
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, people
thinks
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think
show examples
 that teaching
non
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non-main
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main stream
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mainstream
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subject
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 can not be helpful because
person
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the person
a person
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 will never implement that learning in their professional career
hence
Linking Words
 that will be a
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time wasting
Add a hyphen
time-wasting
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.
For example
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, teaching
sanskrit
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Sanskrit
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 language to a
sceince
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science
 student could not aid in their
post study
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post-study
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 life;
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instead
Add a comma
,instead
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 that
time
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 can be efficiently utilised for
other scientific study
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another scientific study
other scientific studies
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.
Hence
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,
more
Correct article usage
the more
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 they focus on
related
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the related
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subject
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 matter,
better
Correct article usage
the better
show examples
 they excel in their path. In my opinion, learning an
art
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subject
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 during schooling might require an additional effort but it may lead to
explore
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exploring
show examples
 other opportunities for students
hence
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 there is no harm in getting
an additional knowledge
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additional knowledge
a piece of additional knowledge
show examples
. To conclude, in
this
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 challenging
time
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, teaching all
subjects
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 can be
treaky
Correct your spelling
tricky
streaky
, especially including
art
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 in main curricula. While some people think that it would not serve any purpose, according to others it could be
competitive
Add an article
a competitive
show examples
 advantage to pupils and so do I opine the same.
Submitted by hvyas on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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