IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #technology
Nowadays, modern
technology
 is becoming more popular and plays a vital role in
people
’s life. Some
people
 argue that
technology
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
 more sociable and communicative,
while
 others argue that it makes
people
 withdrawn.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and views in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, modern
technology
 has made
people
 less sociable. The
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
 communication that we had in the past now it has been replaced with social networks like Facebook,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram
show examples
.
People
 no longer leave their homes to meet with
friends
 or relatives. Even on occasions
such
 as birthdays or weddings,
people
 just send them virtual greetings and
this
 largely destroyed the warmth between
people
. Many
people
 now have
friends
 in different countries, but most of them are not eager to talk to
people
 sitting near them.
For instance
, many young
people
 absolutely have no interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 walking outside or playing contact games,
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 they are busy
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
chatting on the Internet with virtual
friends
 or playing games on the computer.
On the other hand
,
technology
 has really enhanced our social networks and made
people
 more socially active. The majority of us now have
friends
 all over the
world
 and we stay
connecting
Wrong verb form
connected
show examples
 with our family or
friends
 living in different parts of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
Moreover
, current
technology
 opens more possibilities for individuals.
Huge
Correct article usage
A huge
show examples
 amount of
people
 around the
world
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
socializing
Replace the word
social
show examples
 applications to get
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and to know what happens in the
world
 and their surroundings.
To conclude
, modern
technology
 is a great tool for socializing.
However
, if we will not use it properly, it will affect our ability to connect with real
people
 in the real
world
 and make us socially withdrawn. In my opinion,
people
 should find
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between virtual and real
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
 communication.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: