IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 choose to save money more than healthy for consuming food and drink
products
Use synonyms
. So
this
Linking Words
 affect their
health
Use synonyms
 problems in the future.
In addition
Linking Words
, Healthy
products
Use synonyms
 are more expensive than normally other
products
Use synonyms
. A reason to support my idea will be outlined in the following paragraph. In many stores,
people
Use synonyms
 can find easily
products
Use synonyms
 of food and drink in the store which have many alternative brands for choosing,
for instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can find Coke which is the most popular drink in the world in various stores and frozen food which is convenient for eating.
As a result
Linking Words
, these are sugary
products
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 cause
people
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and diabetes which are cumulative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 and It
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not good for their
health
Use synonyms
 in the long term.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government will face a big crisis in the future for the population. So the solution for
this
Linking Words
 problem is giving information which is learning healthy to
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, healthy
products
Use synonyms
 are more expensive than sugary
products
Use synonyms
 or normally other
products
Use synonyms
thus
Linking Words
 a process of separation between sugar and other ingredients will make a lot of cost for producing
for example
Linking Words
 orange juice 100% in Thailand is priced at around 30-35 Baht while other orange juices not only a less proportion but
also
Linking Words
 which add any ingredient are priced at around 10-20 Baht where they can buy easily in every store. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 pay attention to healthy less than saving money as they want to collect money to use in the future regardless of
health
Use synonyms
 and benefit for consuming healthy
products
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by porroramor_prem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: