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Band 4.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measure could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measure
The latest research declares that many chronic diseases
such
 as diabetes and hypertension emerge because of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
. Meanwhile, many countries face the fact that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
people
 who become obese increases significantly and it endangers their
health
.
This
 essay will discuss some of the reasons why these problems have arisen and I will
also
 propose some solutions to solve
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. The raise average bodyweight of
people
 in several countries these days happens due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge and
facilities
.
Firstly
, healthy eating behaviour focuses on balancing nutrients on our daily consumptions, and lack of knowledge will inhibit
people
 to achieve that goal.
People
 will eat detrimental foods without any concern
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
high-calories
Correct your spelling
high calories
show examples
 in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 that will lead to weight gain.
Secondly
, the absence of public
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 will
also
 affect
people
’s
health
 because there will be no room for improving
health
 nearby. Despite the challenges, it is possible to resolve those problems by holding national campaigns conducted by
health
 workers and government initiatives to improve the number of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
.
Health
 workers play an important role in encouraging society to plan their meals. By introducing
people
 to dietary-reference intakes, they will be more aware
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 balancing their proportion of daily consumption.
Next
, one major benefit of the greater number of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 amenities is that it forces
people
 to do exercise.
For instance
, if the government provides soccer
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in every district, it will excite
people
 to play football in order to lose weight. On the whole,
although
 many countries are currently facing a worse condition of public
health
,
such
challenge
Correct article usage
a challenge
show examples
 can be resolved by thorough planning. I would advise
health
 workers to support the goal by actively spreading the information related to healthy food planning and government initiatives to provide more public
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
.
Submitted by diestadhania on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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