IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
well, I
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believe
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belive
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believe
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 Being a member
in
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of
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socitey
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society
 sharing
of
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apply
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information
to
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with
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others
 mean giving them your personal
deatils
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details
.It may cause the impacts because sharing the
information
 which is very important to you causes some problems in future and
may be
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maybe
show examples
 present
also
.
firstly
, sharing the data or
information
 which is
realted
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related
 to academic,scientific research and business may not
causes
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cause
show examples
 you problems.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 the
information
 which we are
carring
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carrying
 out for your use may not
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affect
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effect
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affect
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 us. But the
illurate
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illustrated
illustrate
people
 must be very
carefull
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careful
carefully
 there are many sources that may
effect
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affect
show examples
 them by taking their valuable
information
 like bank
deatils
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details
 and their personal
deatils
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details
 that may
be
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effect
show examples
effect
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affect
show examples
 them a lot.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
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people
believing
Wrong verb form
believe
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 the sharing of
information
which
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that
show examples
 is too important or too valuable to them may not cause
Add an article
a problem
the problem
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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. But the
goverment
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government
 should take the right actions against cybercrime
activties
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activities
 by advertising in social media apps and
also
 through
internet
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the internet
show examples
 by giving
information
 to
people
 to avoid sharing the
information
 that
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is important to them.
People
 should think more to give their
information
 to
others
 wheater there are trustable or not.And we should give the
deatils
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details
 to
others
 for only our
perpouses
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purposes
.And
people
 must be more active
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sharing their
information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
 and
also
believeing
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believing
 them in any cases by sharing their
deatils
Correct your spelling
details
. To sum up
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
Correct your spelling
believe
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belive
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believe
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 that sharing of
information
 which is too important and too valuable may causes problems and sharing much
information
 to our uses may not
effect
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affect
show examples
 use more for any scientific
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
 and business and
also
 for
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 world .
Submitted by was_27 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
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