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Band 7

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
It has become a habit in many
people
 around the world to work for a significantly long amount of time
while
 prohibiting themselves from any sort of hobby.
Although
, having time for leisure activities is crucial as it clears the mind and afterwards individuals are more intellectually and physically productive, more often than not,
people
 are supposed to work hard to make actual progress and succeed.
To begin
 with, one major merit to
this
 fact is that the more a person strives the faster and sooner they will thrive.
In particular
, someone who is promoting their own company or business is bound to make the extra effort as they can’t afford to hire help.
Furthermore
, most
people
 in their 20s throw themselves into their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 as they are more energetic and more capable than folk of any other age and the outcomes of doing so are visible when they have grown older. Usually when these
people
 are asked how they succeeded, when they are tremendously successful, they respond that they have endeavoured in their 20s.
On the contrary
, a drawback to
this
 affair is that in order to stay mentally active and vigorous it is essential to keep amused and not always at work and
that is
 merely attainable by growing the habit of having fun at least once a week to stay away from monotony. In conclusion, even though there are some demerits to working long hours and having no time to spend on recreation, at a certain age it is vital to effort as hard as possible to accomplish long-term goals.
Submitted by kiakmn00 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more explicit and well-developed. Establish a better balance between the advantages and disadvantages presented.
Task Achievement
The response addresses the prompt adequately, but it would benefit from providing a more balanced argument in terms of advantages and disadvantages. Make sure to support each argument with relevant examples and evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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