Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.

In many countries, some people claim that the
Olympic
games
combine different nationalities together
whereas
some believe that holding the
Olympic
games
wastes quantities of money. Personally, both sides have their own opinions and I agree with the latter argument that
this
is merely wasting of funds. On the one hand, for some individuals, Holding the
Olympic
games
combine
Correct subject-verb agreement
combines
show examples
the same interested individuals from various countries and
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
peace to among nations in the world.
Furthermore
,
this
situation has been believed to not only allow participants and
athletics
Replace the word
athletes
show examples
from other nations to communicate but
also
exchange their notions with each other,
as a result
, people gain an understanding of traditions and attitudes.
For instance
, gathering all athletes together in an enormous hall in order to have dinner together, successfully increased the relationship in the
Olympic
games
in various lands. Regarding some communities who
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
the affairs as wasting funds, There are several crucial reasons for
this
phenomenon, which
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
suffering from primary demand, which consists of food, security and accommodations in poverty countries.
Consequently
, Authorities
threatens
Correct subject-verb agreement
threaten
show examples
populations by investing a bunch of money in those events in order to participate in communities and strengthen the relationships with other nations.
For example
,
In
Change preposition
According
show examples
the BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
, some poverty
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
50% of their income on affairs, leading to suffering from hunger, which is the primary demand, and poor facilities and increasing taxes in order to increase the country's
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
the
Olympic
games
are prone to provide peace and fringe benefits to many people, others believe that investing in primary demand is more crucial
instead
of wasting funds on those events.
Submitted by weipanalog on

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task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. However, some arguments could be further developed for a more balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, framing the essay effectively. Work on connecting ideas within paragraphs for a smoother flow of information.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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