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Band 5.5

The increasing housing problem in big cities has social consequences. Some people say that only government can solve this problem.

#cities #consequences #people #government
Over recent decades, many companies generally hire workers until they are 60 years old.
However
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,However
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 there are more places than before giving the opportunities for the elders to
work
continuely
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continually
continuously
 even they are older than the standard of working age. There
are
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is
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 some
group
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groups
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 of
people
concern
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concerned
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 that it
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affects
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effects
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affects
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 the hiring rates of
young
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the young
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 generation.
First
 and foremost, most
of
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apply
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senior
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the senior
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people
facing
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face
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 various health problems,
therefore
, it could be
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in the jobs which they have fewer of physical productivity compared to young
people
.
In other words
, they are able to
work
 but
also
 need
the
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apply
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supports
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support
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 from
people
in
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of
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the
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apply
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different ages at the same time. In terms of
work
 experiences, it is deniable that the elderly have numerous experiences which valuable in order to educate young workers, They can provide the working session between the different generations employees . Many successful companies show us
the
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apply
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great examples.
Lastly
, the feeling of
good
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a good
the good
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 life for some
people
 might be presented in their
working's
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working
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 life.
Instead
 of relaxing or wasting time in their house with
famliy
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family
, they might consider that working is the genuine happiness for them.
For instance
, IKEA, the
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
 Swedish furniture store, hiring many retirements to
work
 in IKEA, as from my real experience when I went to
this
 place, these
people
 really enjoy their jobs,
this
 could be the feeling I mentioned about the valuable life they would like to
persue
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pursue
, despite old
aging
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ageing
show examples
 of them. In conclusion, I understand why some
people
 oppose that
allow
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allowing
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 senior
people
 to
work
 would cause young
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative ways. Meanwhile, I am of the opinion that
this
 issue will not be a trouble, in
fact
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,fact
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 it
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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beneficials
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beneficial
 for
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing crisis
  • urban areas
  • affordable housing
  • low-income individuals
  • real estate market
  • price speculation
  • zoning regulations
  • urban sprawl
  • government intervention
  • government policies
  • private sector
  • social consequences
What to do next:
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