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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Goverments investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Goverments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#goverments #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #services
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In
this
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 current world, some
people
Use synonyms
 tend to believe that governments should spend more money on public utilities than on the arts,
while
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 others think
otherwise
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. From my perspective, there are truths for both views. The following paragraphs will clarify my stance.
Firstly
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, the authorities have allocated some of the
state
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 budget to fund creative activities, whether to support musicians or to subsidise theatre.
This
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 action has had several benefits, like the rapid growth in the music industry and the development of show business. When
this
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 musical business grows and
this
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 performance production develops, society will benefit.
For instance
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, job vacancies will be more available, because those kinds of industries will need to involve a huge number of
people
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. Citizens will
also
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 have access to better art performances, supplying them with numerous entertainments.
Therefore
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, the
state
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's involvement in
this
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 sector will benefit
people
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.
Secondly
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,
however
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, governments should be concerned with the better availability of public services. Since these items are basic human needs, they should be well provided. To do
this
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, authorities should budget some money for them.
For example
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, by providing good health facilities, the
state
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 will support its
people
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 to have better health access.
Moreover
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, by letting individuals have the opportunity to use fine public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 or high-quality education, the
state
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 will improve its citizens' quality of life.
Thus
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, spending money on public facilities is
also
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 quite pivotal. On balance, since funding for the arts and providing public access are significant things to do, it is pretty difficult to make a conclusion, whether I agree or disagree.
Submitted by mayaanita.studi on

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Coherence & Cohesion
For higher coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs with linking phrases that more explicitly connect your points and ideas.
Task Achievement
Enhance task achievement by developing your arguments with a wider range of specific examples, including statistics or case studies, to strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, allowing for a balanced discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have demonstrated a good logical structure in your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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