IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Life now is better than 100 years ago. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#life #years
Comparing the present and the past has always been a fascinating thing to do. Most people would say that living a decade ago pales in comparison to how it is now. I agree with
this
 opinion as we can see that technological advances have been immense and the world is a safer place,
hence
 it is, in fact, better now. First of all, it has always been a pattern for any species to evolve,
thus
 for ,generations humans have tried to best their previous selves. The 1920s were a time that we focused more on industrialization and it was rightly so. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instance, the Japanese were just competing with the Americans on who
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 produce more machinery. Compare it to today, where people work hand in hand to invent new things that will ease all beings on earth, no matter what they are and where they came from.
Secondly
, we were just rebuilding ourselves from the world war that lasted in the 1910s
Rephrase
apply
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then
. Governments were ruled by the people who possessed the mightiest military force and their citizens were controlled by fear.
However
, humanities are focused on creating peace in the 21st century. We are governed by civilized leaders
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 together sit in the United
Nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
show examples
 with all the initiatives and programmes created to make the earth prosperous.
For example
, we can see the UN helping nations in conflicted areas and all countries compete to give their best resources. All things considered, I believe that life is better today. The key is how we work together as one, helping each other out to make as many breakthroughs as possible and breaking boundaries that were previously believed to be the maximum potential of humans.
Submitted by putraazhiz14 on

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Overall feedback
Overall, you have addressed the prompt effectively by presenting reasons and examples to support your agreement with the statement. However, there are areas for improvement in task response, coherence, and cohesion, as detailed below.
Task Response
In terms of task response, make sure to directly engage with all parts of the prompt. While you have provided reasons to support your agreement, ensuring a balanced discussion by acknowledging potential counterarguments can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on linking your ideas within and between paragraphs more explicitly. Consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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