IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, children are often told that can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#countries #children #message
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some nations, parents are giving a piece of advice to their kids that the key to being a successful person in the future is by working hard. Related to
this
Linking Words
 statement, there are several benefits and drawbacks which will I explain in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, advice about trying hard
is having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 some advantages for children.
Firstly
Linking Words
, children will have an opportunity to achieve their goals. They can push themselves to be more active in learning.
For example
Linking Words
, they can study hard in their school and get high marks. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they would have a high profile in their CV which is good for their future career.
In addition
Linking Words
, a child would have a good character, particularly competitiveness.
For instance
Linking Words
, being a student they will invest their time to learn about their subjects which would
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive impact on their academic performance.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if they are getting older, they can compete with their peers to obtain their dream job.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, giving advice about working hard can
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
 some negative impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
younger people which
connected
Add a missing verb
is connected
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their mental and attitude. First and foremost, young citizens perhaps tend to pressure themselves to fulfil their to-do list.
This
Linking Words
 means that they do not have time to enjoy their child's life
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they spend their time just for study without playing
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
games with their classmates.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 statement is likely persuading a child to do anything for their dream.
This
Linking Words
 means that it is having the possibility for young citizens to commit inappropriate attitudes
such
Linking Words
 as cheating and selfishness. In conclusion, delivering a message
is bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
 some benefits for young generations which
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a good prospect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their future career and
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 competitive.
However
Linking Words
, these words
also
Linking Words
 would
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative impacts on them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Task Response: Ensure to fully address all aspects of the question by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in more detail.
improvement
Coherence and Cohesion: Work on organizing your ideas more cohesively by using clear paragraph structures and transitions to link your points together.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: