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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
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Few individuals contend that the lack of government interest in young ones’ health is a major reason for childhood obesity. There are many arguments in the favour of the above idea but I believe that it is a collective responsibility of governments, parents and children rather than only authorities.
To begin
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 with,there are a few duties of authorities to prevent obesity in young ones. As administrations can ban certain edible items in the market on the recommendations of experts
such
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 as unhealthy edible oils and food colours.
Moreover
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, governments can promote healthy activities in society by developing parks and playgrounds,
for example
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, most children have become couch potatoes because of the lack of outdoor facilities.
Furthermore
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, health authorities are not running enough awareness campaigns to educate people about the hazards of being overweight.
On the contrary
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, guardians, and teachers are equally responsible.
First
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 and foremost, as the food of children is monitored and prepared by parents due to their busy schedules, they are not able to provide them with
home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
show examples
 diet and they rely on ready-made food.
Secondly
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, school teachers do not emphasize the importance of maintaining the ideal body weight and put more stress on the curriculum to gain good grades which indirectly depict the teachers’ performance.
Last
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 but not the least, young ones use modern gadgets to entertain themselves in spite of doing outdoor physical activities where they can burn extra calories. In conclusion, even though the government have a pivotal role to combat childhood obesity, the whole responsibility cannot be put on it. It is the need of the hour to run an efficient awareness campaign to defeat
this
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 major health issue.
Submitted by drmehmoodahmed33 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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