In some countries, children are often told that can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Nowadays, In some states, many pupils have been told that the most effective approach to persuade them to achieve the aim is to try hard as much as possible
while
some claim that trying hard on their duties can provide several disadvantages to them. personally, there are both pros and cons.
On the one hand, there are various benefits behind
Change preposition
to
this
phenomenon in the developed world. Firstly
, Trying hard on their duties and studies allows them to complete their goal easily and also
provides a large number of opportunities to
their life in terms of schooling and outstanding professions, which lead to an effective lifestyle and a better quality of life. Change preposition
in
For example
, Some students who work hard on either homework or studies had the opportunity to acquire the university's scholarships, leading to feeling a sense of proudly
. Replace the word
pride
Consequently
, Working hard on those built up strong positive characters like high self-esteem.
On the other hand
, Putting a large quantity of pressure on children provides various disadvantages to those individuals, particularly mental health, leading to horrible mental illness and terrible behaviours. For instance
, Form
some reports Verb problem
apply
says
that children in Thailand who Correct subject-verb agreement
say
was
always told to study hard Correct subject-verb agreement
were
due to
the Asian culture tended to suffer from depression and stress, which lead to suicide, more than pupils whose parents give priority to freedom. Additionally
, Parents should concern
more Verb problem
be
about
that behaviour.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
concerned about
Although
heavy studying leads learners to complete their goals easily, It came
with negative outcomes Wrong verb form
comes
such
as stress and depression. Thus
. I personally believe that parents should not put much pressure on their life
in order to prevent those outcomes.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. To improve, provide more detailed examples and analysis of the pros and cons.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay. To improve, work on connecting sentences and paragraphs more effectively.