IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
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It is argued by some that economic prosperity is the main reason for life satisfaction, while others believe that true happiness comes from other
factors
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. While
economic
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the economic
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 boom helps bring wealth and prosperity to the nation, I think that more important aspects
such
Linking Words
 as freedom and democracy within the country are the ultimate
factors
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 for happier citizens. To elaborate on the
first
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viewpoint
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view point
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viewpoint
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, I think in the world where nations
are compete
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are competing
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 for
superpower
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a superpower
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, it is obvious most governments would strive to improve their economy and treat it as a priority. With a stronger and stable currency, there would be less inflation and more employment.
People
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 would have higher
imcomes
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incomes
 which lead to better
life
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living
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 standard for
people
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. My uncle is living in the US after fleeing the Vietnam war, he is making money and
send
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sending
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 some of his income back home to my family and grandmother, the money he gave have been sufficient for building a new home and feeding family members.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 believe that true meaningful happiness doesn’t just come from economic growth. Other
factors
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 that are
also
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 important in a healthy prosperous nation include
:
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apply
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 freedom of speech, truthful uncensored news, better civil rights, equal employment opportunity for all and universal healthcare. These are basic components of any free and
democracy
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democratic
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 developed country. To me, money is a tool to enable a better life but it is not as important as having human rights respected and our voice heard. I remember watching my American friends protesting in front of the US congress building some years ago, my friends told me they weren’t happy to see their president declaring an invasion of Iraq for a war on oil. I think a lot of
people
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 would agree that no amount of personal economic growth would be enough to justify a war on innocent civilians. In conclusion, it is considered by some that happiness is the result of financial prosperity while there are others who think that true satisfaction comes from other
factors
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 like having civil liberty, freedom of speech and equal opportunity in society and better health care. I have seen democracy and economic affluence co-exist hand in hand, I believe there is always a way to
nourist
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nourish
 our economy without jeopardising
on
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apply
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human rights.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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