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Band 4

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
It is argued by some that economic prosperity is the main reason for life satisfaction, while others believe that true happiness comes from other
factors
. While
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 boom helps bring wealth and prosperity to the nation, I think that more important aspects
such
 as freedom and democracy within the country are the ultimate
factors
 for happier citizens. To elaborate on the
first
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
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view point
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viewpoint
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, I think in the world where nations
are compete
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are competing
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 for
superpower
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a superpower
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, it is obvious most governments would strive to improve their economy and treat it as a priority. With a stronger and stable currency, there would be less inflation and more employment.
People
 would have higher
imcomes
Correct your spelling
incomes
 which lead to better
life
Replace the word
living
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 standard for
people
. My uncle is living in the US after fleeing the Vietnam war, he is making money and
send
Wrong verb form
sending
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 some of his income back home to my family and grandmother, the money he gave have been sufficient for building a new home and feeding family members.
On the other hand
,
people
 believe that true meaningful happiness doesn’t just come from economic growth. Other
factors
 that are
also
 important in a healthy prosperous nation include
:
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apply
show examples
 freedom of speech, truthful uncensored news, better civil rights, equal employment opportunity for all and universal healthcare. These are basic components of any free and
democracy
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democratic
show examples
 developed country. To me, money is a tool to enable a better life but it is not as important as having human rights respected and our voice heard. I remember watching my American friends protesting in front of the US congress building some years ago, my friends told me they weren’t happy to see their president declaring an invasion of Iraq for a war on oil. I think a lot of
people
 would agree that no amount of personal economic growth would be enough to justify a war on innocent civilians. In conclusion, it is considered by some that happiness is the result of financial prosperity while there are others who think that true satisfaction comes from other
factors
 like having civil liberty, freedom of speech and equal opportunity in society and better health care. I have seen democracy and economic affluence co-exist hand in hand, I believe there is always a way to
nourist
Correct your spelling
nourish
 our economy without jeopardising
on
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apply
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human rights.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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