IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for the charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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The childhood
Correct article usage
Childhood
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 is the best era for cultivating
humanity
Correct article usage
the humanity
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 of
person's
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a person's
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 life. There is an argument in the society that volunteering services should be a mandatory part of the college programs as working charity, developing the neighbourhood or teaching sports to youngsters.I totally agree with
this
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 statement and it will be elaborated in
this
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 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the wellbeing of the society is completely hands-on
the
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for the
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 young generation. Due to that, there is a responsibility to the educational
centers
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centres
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 for guiding them towards it.
Hence
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, by doing
this
Linking Words
 kind of
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
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, pupils
being
Add a missing verb
are being
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 taught about the treasury of
the
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apply
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humanity as well as they become more generous.
For instance
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, Greta
Thunberge
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Thunberg
, who is
the
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a
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 15years old teenager had appeared against
the
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apply
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global warming and after
her
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she
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intervene
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intervention
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 the major companies have avoided the kind of functions they
done
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did
have done
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 to increase that burning problem across the
world
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.
This
Linking Words
 is
Correct your spelling
clearly
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cleary
Correct your spelling
clearly
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 shown
of
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in
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 the
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
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 ability to protect the
world
Use synonyms
. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
, charitable services are required to improve the empathy of the kids whereas
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 programs would encourage them to engage
on
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in
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 it. Since
,
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apply
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 by participating it is caused to grow the sensitive minds regarding others which
is
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are
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 required to protect the peace of
Use synonyms
world
Add an article
the world
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 in future. To illustrate, the person who is full of sympathy will never bring the weapons to destroy others. As
,
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apply
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 the
world
Use synonyms
 become
Add an article
a more
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more
Change the word
apply
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safer place for all living beings. To conclude, I extremely agree
with
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apply
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that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social works to be a mandatory subject for children in the educational bodies for rising
world
Use synonyms
 peace in future as well as the safeguard of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity.
Submitted by nadee124 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: