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Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for the charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
The childhood
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Childhood
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 is the best era for cultivating
humanity
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the humanity
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 of
person's
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a person's
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 life. There is an argument in the society that volunteering services should be a mandatory part of the college programs as working charity, developing the neighbourhood or teaching sports to youngsters.I totally agree with
this
 statement and it will be elaborated in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, the wellbeing of the society is completely hands-on
the
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for the
show examples
 young generation. Due to that, there is a responsibility to the educational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for guiding them towards it.
Hence
, by doing
this
 kind of
services
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service
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, pupils
being
Add a missing verb
are being
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 taught about the treasury of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity as well as they become more generous.
For instance
, Greta
Thunberge
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Thunberg
, who is
the
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a
show examples
 15years old teenager had appeared against
the
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apply
show examples
global warming and after
her
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she
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intervene
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intervention
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 the major companies have avoided the kind of functions they
done
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did
have done
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 to increase that burning problem across the
world
.
This
 is
Correct your spelling
clearly
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cleary
Correct your spelling
clearly
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 shown
of
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in
show examples
 the
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
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 ability to protect the
world
. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
, charitable services are required to improve the empathy of the kids whereas
compulsary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 programs would encourage them to engage
on
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in
show examples
 it. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 by participating it is caused to grow the sensitive minds regarding others which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 required to protect the peace of
world
Add an article
the world
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 in future. To illustrate, the person who is full of sympathy will never bring the weapons to destroy others. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
world
 become
Add an article
a more
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
safer place for all living beings. To conclude, I extremely agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social works to be a mandatory subject for children in the educational bodies for rising
world
 peace in future as well as the safeguard of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity.
Submitted by nadee124 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
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