In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough

#cultures #children

In today's society, many

children

are taught that an effort leads to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

achievement. Some people teach

this

idea to their teenagers as they see some benefits from teaching their

children

this

idea, while some adults disagree since they see various drawbacks from

this

message. From my point of view, I agree with the latter

viewpoint

Replace the word

view

show examples

which is

this

quote give several drawbacks from their teenagers, described in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached. It is undeniable that a number of adolescents are taught

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

lesson which is everyone accomplishment by hard-working or

Wrong verb form

doing

show examples

hard enough.

As a result

this

view is one of the people's minds since the past until nowadays, and

this

message is used for encouraging several populations who

Add a missing verb

are disappoint

show examples

disappoint

Wrong verb form

disappointed

show examples

in some topics.

Furthermore

this

message can

be stimulate

Change the verb form

be stimulating

be stimulated

show examples

for the populations, but not at all. Every coin has two sides,

this

sentence can bring many adolescents are more blame themselves than in the past.

Moreover

, when they can not get their goals, they will

Add a missing verb

be disappoint

show examples

disappoint

Wrong verb form

disappointed

show examples

in themselves and afraid that their fathers and mothers will blame them or get disappointment because of them.

In addition

that is

the main cause of some accidents

such

as suicide.

In other words

, the parents' disappointments are the worst thing that

children

never want to make as parents are only two persons giving

children

's life to see the world. To conclude, I strongly believe that if adults teach their youth that every achievement is brought by their enough efforts, it will give numerous disadvantages from the youth.

Submitted by justoranat on Sun Mar 06 2022

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Perseverance
Resilience
Self-esteem
Confidence
Goal-setting
Work ethic
Ambitious
Unrealistic expectations
Frustration
Inadequate
Overemphasis
Stress
Pressure
Mental health
Resource availability

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that the only reason for learning a new foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Study needs time, peace and comfort, whereas employment needs the same thing. Someone says it is impossible to combine those two because one distracts one another. Do you think this is realistic in our life today?

Some people say that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?