IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on food and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are good idea while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #countries #taxes #food #beverages #levels #sugar #think #idea
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Nowadays, the issue of charging extra
taxes
 on sugary products has stirred up a number of heated debates among
people
 of different opinions as some
people
 come up with the idea that
taxes
 bring many benefits to the society,
nonetheless
, others disagree with that assertation.
Therefore
, the arguments on both sides of
this
 controversial
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 will be discussed in the following paragraphs in turn, and
finally
Add a comma
,finally
show examples
 my opinion will be given. On the one hand , some opponents are quick to point out that paying high
taxes
 could financially
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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their business.
First
 of all, as they have to pay extra money to
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
, they would no longer sell their goods
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 former prices, and
consequently
, consumers are overcharged.
As a result
 of
this
, if the customers switch their tastes to other cheaper substitutes, companies’ income will not be met
aimed
Add an article
the aimed
show examples
 target.
Therefore
, employees would
finally
 face redundancy problems. These are the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 who only prioritize profit.
the
Change preposition
On the
show examples
 other hand, other proponents have
also
 expressed that initiating specific
taxes
 could bring many benefits to society.
Firstly
, production businesses become aware of input sugar levels
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and consider
to produce
Change the verb form
producing
show examples
 in health-conscious ways. Another positive aspect is that it is somehow
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hindering unhealthy products to the market. Many studies have been proved that, in America,
people
 become suffering
obesity
Change preposition
from obesity
show examples
 and diabetes by taking in
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of sugar.
Moreover
, consumers face
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 metabolism
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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,
then
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 stress and depression in
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
show examples
 lives. So, from the medical point of view, it is
such
 a best way to make particular
taxes
. Having both sides of
Correct article usage
the arguments
show examples
arguments
Fix the agreement mistake
argument
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 considered, I believe that as health is the primary concern in everyone’s lives, companies should be obliged to pay
taxes
 to
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by wuttyiphoenix on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar tax
  • chronic illnesses
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • revenue generation
  • public health initiatives
  • behavioral change
  • deterrent
  • disproportionate burden
  • consumption reduction
  • health outcomes
  • market distortion
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