IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

International tourism has become a huge industry in world. Do the problems of international travel out weight its advantages

#tourism #industry #world #travel #weight
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Across the globe, international tourism has grown into a massive industry.
Although
Linking Words
 increasing travel poses a significant threat to the environment, travellers get the opportunity to explore a variety of cultures. In my opinion, the substantial development in the field of tourism has more advantages than drawbacks. Nowadays, people like visiting various parts of the world to learn and experience diversified cultures.
This
Linking Words
 is because of their passion to understand the lifestyle, food and language of a foreign land.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many vloggers on social media who have travel aspirations and their goal is to traverse around the globe and share their experiences with viewers thereby enhancing one's own knowledge
as well as
Linking Words
 others.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a trip to a foreign country is advantageous owing to the varied level of cultural knowledge one can attain.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the influx of tourists can harm the ecological balance of a place. Oftentimes, people are careless in protecting the environment which results in excessive and irresponsible waste disposal.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of the pilgrimage centres in India collects the largest proportion of garbage because pilgrims do not bother to throw away waste
such
Linking Words
 as plastic
according to
Linking Words
 the instructions given by the government. If devotes had been attentive to the guidelines issued by authorities, the majority of the debris could have been eliminated. In summary, the flow of an increased number of tourists to any place can destroy the ecological balance of that region and eventually the nation. These days, international travel is a ubiquitous feature in every part of the world.
While
Linking Words
 irresponsible voyages can create environmental challenges, the increased exposure to cultures benefits people to learn and grow. Despite the detrimental effects, travelling to foreign countries has more advantages than disadvantages.
Submitted by gloriasherin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response effectively addresses the task prompt and provides a clear thesis statement. However, it would benefit from expanding the arguments and providing more detailed examples to illustrate your points further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider using more transitional phrases to link your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion that contribute to a clear and coherent argument.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the vloggers and the pilgrimage center in India, helps illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: