IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some think Government spending on infraestructure (transport, housing) is considered the most important for a nation. While others believe that education, health, and HR values to be more important areas for government expenditure. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#think #government #infraestructure #transport #nation #education #health #hr #values #areas #expenditure
If public resources were infinite, there would be no arguments
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to distribute them. But since
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they are very limited indeed, the
way
 the National Budget has to be spent must be carefully planned. Some voices
claims
Change the verb form
claim
show examples
 that the tools for engrossing the nation’s wealth should have
preference
Add an article
a preference
show examples
, while some others advocate for boosting education and public health. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will look at both points of view and I will argue that, while infrastructure is fundamental, the nation’s strength
also
 resides on
people
, and economic policies should be oriented towards them.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that public welfare has a great influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. Experts have demonstrated that a healthy and unworried person works harder and better than the opposite.
Furthermore
, the biggest economies of the world are the ones
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have the biggest welfare budgets.
Additionally
, public opinion always has expressed that the task
government
Change preposition
of government
show examples
 is to do the best for the most.
Thus
, benefiting industrial companies or lobbies could not be seen as a responsible
way
 of assigning funds by the public in general.
However
, public transport and housing can
also
 be seen as a
way
 of providing commodities to
people
. Workers are interested
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 having better housing facilities and driving on
better paved
Add a hyphen
better-paved
show examples
 roads for their commuting or on their holidays.
Consequently
, infrastructure echoes on the living standards. Taking all
this
 into account, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the budgets for infrastructure and public welfare are closely intertwined,
therefore
 the
way
 how these fundings impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the needs of the
people
 is the crux of the issue. Both subjects must be funded thinking about how
people
 will
be profited
Change to the active voice
profit
have profited
show examples
 about it.
Submitted by issanfus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: