IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
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It is often said that nowadays about a role the administration of the country or the city and their economy, money and financial possibility for local
education
 and other cultural subjects. From my
point
 of view, I partly agree with
this
 idea and I explain the reasons for
this
 in the below essay.
Firstly
, there is no denying that the
arts
 are
necessary
Correct article usage
a necessary
show examples
Add the particle
to point
show examples
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 in
cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 of each
citizens
Change to a singular noun
citizen
show examples
.
For example
, in childhood most of us liked a painted and danced,
thus
 the
arts
 were in our habits and souls. We all know
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talented people, they are very expressive, wise and bright due to the
arts
.
Therefore
,
todays'
Correct your spelling
today's
show examples
 society can not ignore significant creature actions by different people.
In contrast
 to the above
point
,
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education
 is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 important product for the international world.
For instance
. Almost
each
Change the determiner
every
show examples
 student
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
our planet after finishing
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
high school want and planning
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to faculties of universities or colleges. The
education
 needs
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full support
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 his government and local administrations
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because his importance for future and current students is very unbelievable.
In addition
, without allocating
education
 will not
be involve
Change the verb form
be involved
show examples
 in social structure and will not be a perspective and successful institute for the community. In conclusion, I partly agree with
this
point
. In my opinion, the
arts
 are a very necessary thing for society, there is a get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
normal financial support by government, but
education
 more important than
arts
 for social communities and it should allocate more money.
Submitted by abvilion99 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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