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Band 4

The limited budgets of governments, especially those in developing countries, are better spent on health and education than on employment-generating projects. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#budgets #governments #countries #health #education #projects
There is debate among policymakers that developing countries should redirect
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 spending into health and education, whereas others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 believe that allocation
be
Change the verb form
is
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 directed to businesses that decrease the employment rate.
This
 essay examines
this
 argument, and why I believe governments should be spending
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 fiscal year
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 development projects. There are several reasons why I believe that governments have to focus on the projects that would create growth.
To begin
 with, when a developing
country
prioritize
Change the verb form
prioritizes
show examples
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
allocating
Replace the word
allocation
show examples
 from economy to facilities,
this
 means that there will not be growth. Growth means that a
country
 is in ongoing improvement, and
this
 development will affect countries positively.
Nonetheless
, that allocation will have increased the government’s budget by the
next
 fiscal year. From an
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 viewpoint, it is vital for a government to spend its fiscal policy
into
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on
show examples
 assets
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 liabilities. Assets
means
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mean
show examples
 investments, lands, and shares. By supporting small businesses through finance a government could contribute to
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 the employment rate and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 prosperity.
Furthermore
, maybe one of these enterprises could be successful international that it would
attracts
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attract
show examples
 investors from all
of
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over
show examples
 the world.
Thus
, more money is pumping
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the economy,
therefore
, that money will increase the government’s budget. Not to mention, that circulation of money will affect citizens, farmers, and factories. In conclusion,
although
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
health and education are crucial to a
country
, many individuals think that developing countries are better to allocate
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 fiscal policy
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
Change the noun form
sectors
show examples
 like schools and hospitals. It is my opinion that a
country
 that has a limited budget should be focusing on finding ways to increase
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 revenue.
Submitted by kofaisal on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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