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Band 5.5

Many teenagers now have their own Smart phone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion.

#teenagers #phone
The popularity of smartphones among young adults has been increasing in recent years.
While
 I agree that there may be a few drawbacks to
this
 trend, I believe that the benefits might outweigh them. There would be two main disadvantages of having a personal mobile phone for adolescents.
Firstly
, there are many amounts of inappropriate or even dangerous content on the internet which would affect their attitudes or in the worst case their life path. Parental control is likely to be decreased because teenagers would access the internet everywhere through their phones.
For example
, a Youngster may watch a video on YouTube that
teach
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teaches
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 them how to make a bump and they perhaps try that out of
the
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curiosity and injure themselves and others.
Secondly
, the risk of stealing the information would increase through the internet and hackers can easily access their photos and videos which could result in bribery.
However
, I think there are more advantages
of
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to
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 the above-mentioned disadvantages of
this
 trend. Teenagers can make a quality connection with their friends through their smartphones. They can easily text each other or have a video call through applications
such
 as WhatsApp, Skype or Telegram. They
also
 can share their photos and memories and Instagram. Another benefit could be the potential learning of different skills
such
 as a new language by Duolingo.
In addition
, they can take photos or make videos with their smartphones and learn to make them professional.
For instance
, if an adolescent desired to learn photography but did not have a digital camera, she could start with her mobile phone camera and practice the basic rules of
this
 skill. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages
of
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 teenagers having their own
phone
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phones
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,
while
 it seems to me that
benefits
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the benefits
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would
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outweigh the possible harms.
Submitted by Sarah_nazari on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you address both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way. You have outlined advantages and disadvantages, but make sure to elaborate on the examples and provide clear explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, providing clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in connecting the ideas more coherently within paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication
  • access to information
  • safety and security
  • entertainment
  • educational opportunities
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • distraction
  • lack of focus
  • privacy concerns
  • social disconnection
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • opinion
  • outweigh
  • limits
  • screen time
  • online safety
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