IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first smartphone was released in 1992. By then year 2020 there may be as many as 2.5 billion smartphones in the world. The use of smartphones is decreasing our collective intelligence because we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#first #smartphone #year #billion #smartphones #world #intelligence #technology #minds
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 the
first
 smartphone was invented in 1992; after almost three decades, there had been two and a half billion smartphones worldwide. Today, as
people
 are fully dependent on technology
instead
 of their brains, the rising use of cell phones is declining the overall intellectual abilities of users. I completely agree with
this
 point of view and will prove
this
 argument with analytical reasonings and descriptive examples in
this
 essay. To commence with, the dependence on smartphones encourages
people
 to do quick calculations on the mobile phone calculators rather than troubling their minds. A recent study by Cambridge University has proven that the mental capabilities of students to perform mathematical problems by their brains is deteriorating significantly. The main reason for their rusting cognitive skills is the excessive use of smartphone calculators.
Additionally
,
people
’s ability to recall and remember things is adversely influenced because they use smartphones overly.
For instance
, there is a massive number of smartphone applications to list and store things and ideas
such
 as colour notes. These applications are used by
people
 as a memory bank and they no longer remember things
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are important for the proper development of their brains.
As a result
,
people
 perform everything even household chores -
for example
,making groceries lists and shopping lists - with the assistance of mobile phone applications. In conclusion, digital versions of mobile phones have made mankind totally reliant on them;
consequently
, the mental ability of problem-solving is rapidly reducing in
people
. In my opinion, the trend of possessing personal cell phones is negatively affecting the mathematical capabilities and memory of
people
.
Submitted by tubashaukat93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collective intelligence
  • reliant on technology
  • problem-solving
  • problem-solving
  • cognitive skills
  • critical thinking
  • knowledge acquisition
  • connectivity
  • knowledge sharing
  • cognitive overload
  • memory retention
  • brain-training apps
  • digital literacy
  • multitask
  • attention span
What to do next:
Look at other essays: