IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sport #facilities #effect #measures
Many people think that increasing the amount of sports equipment is the best way to help them improve their health, while others think that other solutions are better than that in practising public health. Personally, I am convinced by the
second
 opinion. Citizens' strength is declining day by day, so installing sports equipment is essential to encourage them to be active in a positive lifestyle.
However
, the installation of many types of equipment
also
 has many disadvantages.
Firstly
, the gym is far from home, which will take a long time to get there.
Secondly
, the cost to practice there is quite expensive.
Therefore
, the frequency of going to the gym will cost a lot.
Thirdly
, people who are busy with work and study do not have time to practice.
Besides
, there are many benefits to using solutions without having to use sports facilities.
First
 of all, we should watch TV programs about the harmful effects of eating fatty foods, which will make people raise their awareness of protecting their health.
Next
, for companies that import items
such
 as fatty foods, the government should tax those companies, so that the products that are harmful to fitness will gradually decrease.
Last
 but not least, we should take public transport.
For instance
, every time we go to the station, we have to walk there, which will help us burn some calories. In conclusion, both perspectives have advantages and disadvantages in terms of improving well-being.
However
, I believe that the benefits of a
second
 opinion are actually more effective than the
first
.
Submitted by ieltswritingcheckp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • chronic diseases
  • preventative care
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • health initiatives
  • health education campaigns
  • social interaction
  • mental wellbeing
  • motivation
  • accessible venues
  • active lifestyle
  • quality healthcare
  • community hubs
  • multipronged approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: