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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some parents think it is a good idea to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#parents #idea #children #phones
In order to monitor their children, some parents believe that to give their kids mobile phones than
rent
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renting
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 a babysitter,
moreover
, it
is simplify
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simplifies
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 them to communicate while they are apart.
However
, many people claim that
this
 idea could lead their kids to become
phone
-addict and affect their school life.
This
 essay will fully
discussed
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be discussed
discuss
show examples
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 issues
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the writer's point of view. Giving children a mobile
phone
in
Change preposition
at
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their
Change the word
an
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 early age may lead to some
of
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apply
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controversies
Add an article
the controversies
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. Let's take an example, youngsters at the age of 5 or 6 are given a
phone
 which
is uses
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is used
show examples
 to call their parents if they are at school.
However
,
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 to call their family, they prefer to play online games that could easily download
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
phone
.
As a result
, it will
causes
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cause
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to
Change preposition
apply
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some
unwisely
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unwise
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 usage of
phone
Add an article
the phone
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. It is true that everything in technology
are
Change the verb form
is
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 become one-body
in
Change preposition
on
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 our daily basis,
Although
, in my opinion, by giving them
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronics at
very
Add an article
a very
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 early age could leave some of
dependance
Correct your spelling
dependence
 and a
bizzare
Correct your spelling
bizarre
 habit of the kids. Personally, I totally disagree while parents are giving their child a
phone
 without explaining
first
 about the usage of
Add an article
the phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
instead
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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