IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that a sence of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinio

#people #sence #competition #children #co-operate #adults #opinio
Nowadays,
soft
Add an article
a soft
show examples
 skill like
collaborate
Change the verb form
collaborating
show examples
 even
compete
Wrong verb form
competing
show examples
 with
others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is one of
daily
Add an article
the daily
show examples
life
 indicators that should be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
 to
children
.
This
 is
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 competency that
children
 should have when they are in
Correct article usage
the labor
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 industry or when they socialize with
others
 as a society.
However
, it is often found the argumentations in society which is some people emphasize that
children
 should be
get
Change the form of the verb
getting
show examples
 used to with
competition
. Whereas
others
 think it will be more valuable to
children
future
 if we train
children
 how to cooperate with
others
.
Firstly
,
competition
 is a
media
Fix the agreement mistake
medium
show examples
 to ignite
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 spirit to learn new and important things for
life
. Through
competition
,
children
 learn to develop their academic and emotional strength.
For example
, when I was
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
, I always want to become one of
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 ten ranking in my class.
Hence
, I studied a lot to reach my goal. Yet, sometimes I was fail even when I had studied hard. From my experience, I did not only expand my knowledge, but I
also
 allowed
my self
Correct your spelling
myself
show examples
 to feel the failure and accept it as part of
life
.
Secondly
,
children
also
 need to get used to
collaborate
Change the verb form
collaborating
show examples
 with
others
.
This
 is an essential capability they should have.
It
Add a verb
isIt
wasIt
show examples
 beneficial to build up
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
 career for their
future
.
For instance
, when I was
teenager
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
, I was a shy person,
hence
 it was difficult
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 me to start
relation
Add an article
a relation
show examples
 with
others
. Later I realize that If I want to become a
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 women, I should learn how to cooperate with
others
.
Therefore
, I have joined a lot of volunteer activities to get a lot of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 on how to collaborate with
others
.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion,
collaborate
Replace the word
collaboration
show examples
 and
compete
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 are two competence that
children
 should have as it critical for their
future
 as an adult.
Nevertheless
, there is always
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact of something, yet it depends on how
children
 apply it in their
life
. If they apply it
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much and in the wrong situation it would bring a disaster for them. To conclude,
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 to skills should be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
 to
children
 because of two main reasons.
First
,
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
 encouraged
children
 to develop their knowledge and character.
Second
,
cooperate
Wrong verb form
cooperating
show examples
 with
others
 is important to
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: