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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, it's not uncommon to see various young
people
Use synonyms
establishing
Verb problem
making
show examples
 a significant investment in the career they want. Indeed, these young men and women long for the best development of their
dream
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jobs
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. Searching for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
dream
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 job is the ultimate goal is a way to fulfil their interests.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the drawbacks of the gesture can't be overlooked. For some, finding the
dream
Use synonyms
 task as the ultimate goal allows young
people
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 with desires to maximize their ambitions.
This
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 way allows the young
people
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 to fulfil their wants. Without the satisfaction of the ultimate goal, some young fellows may not even be aware of the compassion they possess.
For instance
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, some young
people
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 in Taiwan adopted dreamwork as a tool, which nudged them to explore their limitations.
Thus
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, having dreamwork as an ultimate goal may provide the satisfaction of desires.
However
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, the practicality of dreamwork is limited. The young fellows should assess the perspectives of reality. The industry field values certain
jobs
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such
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 as computer science, lawyers, doctors and teachers.
For example
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, the average unemployment rate of Taiwanese is high in comparison to other countries. If young generations are coerced to invest their time in searching for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
dream
Use synonyms
jobs
Use synonyms
, their time will possibly be wasted. In light of
this
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 fact, juxtaposing
dream
Use synonyms
jobs
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 with life goals will possibly create significant problems. In conclusion,
although
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 finding the
dream
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 work as the ultimate goal allows the young person to explore their life goal, their time will most likely be reduced.
This
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 consequence affects the perspective on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
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's career
of
Change preposition
apply
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development.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the main points and provide concrete examples. It helps to strengthen the arguments and ensures a more thorough response to the question.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. The points should flow naturally from one to another. This will make your essay easier to read and understand.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, which is crucial for this type of essay question.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. This shows good organization.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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