Some people believe that video games are beneficial to children whereas others believe that it has negative effects.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #video #games #children #effects

Few people consider that letting their

children

play

games

will bring some positive results, while others hold different opinions. In

this

essay, I will look at both sides of

this

argument, but

personally

Add a comma

,personally

show examples

I tend to believe that

video

games

are not beneficial for

kids

To begin

with, there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

various negative impacts of playing

video

games

Firstly

, it influences whether

kids

submitt

Correct your spelling

submit

their homework on time or not.

For example

, youngsters may play their

games

after school and it is possible for them to distract by these

games

and influence their quality of schoolwork.

Secondly

, students tend to focus on their

games

instead

of making friends at school.

In addition

, they may lose many opportunities to join clubs or attend more volunteer activities during weekends.

Hence

, in the long term,

video

games

may bring many negative consequences on

children

On the other hand

, playing

video

games

can bring some advantages for

children

First

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

productivity will be raised because

kids

always want to finish their schoolwork earlier to play the

games

as soon as possible.

Hence

, it is a good way for youngsters to make a proper schedule to fit their

goal

Fix the agreement mistake

goals

show examples

. At the same time, they could learn time management and self-control from these problems.

Second

, some

video

games

encourage

kids

to think and solve problems.

For example

, Switch and PS5 have many new

games

for

children

in order to inspire their creativity and logical thinking.

As a result

, not only raise the productivity but

also

have the thinking training. In conclusion,

although

playing

video

games

have many positive effects on

children

, I still consider that students need to focus on their schoolwork more and prevent any factors to distract them in case.

Submitted by wanda320 on Fri Mar 11 2022

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

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Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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