IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Today, majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family?

#majority #children #grandparents #fact #parents
There is a tremendously controversial perspective heating a debate whether an astounding majority of toddlers are brought up by their
grandparents
 for the reason that their guardians are occupied with an overwhelming workload.
This
 phenomenon has both pros and cons.
However
, its merits may outweigh its counterpart. Without a shadow of a doubt, the elder
facilitate
Change the verb form
facilitates
show examples
 toddlers in acquiring soft
skills
instead
 of their
parents
 who have to earn money for paying the bills. On account of having a wealth of feasible experiences, grey people are competent at transferring their
hand-on
Correct your spelling
hands-on
show examples
skills
 which are not imparted in school for their offspring.
Furthermore
, when descendants spare a great deal of time residing under a rooftop with the elder, they have aspirant opportunities to hone their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
For instance
, an eclectic mix of soft
skills
such
 as gardening, knitting and culinary
skills
 which play a paramount significant role in daily life can be cited as noticeable examples. After school, children are able to practice them by cooking for their
grandparents
 or lending a hand in cutting the lawn whenever they carry out domestic tasks while
parents
 always force them to absorb the theoretical insight. All in all,
grandparents
 bring a bunch of immense influences on their offspring when they are nurtured by their
grandparents
 in place of their guardians. While the upsides of
this
 notion are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
downsides are neglected. It is obvious to say that
parents
 are hectic on a frequent basis and they leave their kids for
grandparents
 to take care of them, leading to the emotional isolation between
parents
 and kids on grounds that they have just a little time to cultivate the relationship with
kid
Add an article
the kid
show examples
. So long as kids are not
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 good terms with their
parents
, they will have a tendency to believe that their guardians are not trustworthy enough to confide
whenever
Change preposition
in whenever
show examples
 they face dilemmas. In conclusion, In summary, the elders
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 wonders for their offspring in sharping soft
skills
 when their
parents
 make a livelihood.
Nevertheless
, it
also
 wreaks havoc on the emotional connection between family members
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: