Citizens of all developed countries should be forced to give a percentage of their income to citizens of poorer countries in order to assist them with basic needs. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Helping poor
people
has always been viewed as a valuable act that
people
have always been encouraged to
in
Add a missing verb
do in
show examples
order to contribute to a healthy and strong community. It is even suggested that
this
assistance should be compulsory for
people
who are living in developed
countries
to provide
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
needs of impoverished
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
developing
countries
. It is noteworthy to bear in mind that helping those communities can bring positive consequences for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
countries
.
However
, I am completely in disagreement with the above-said idea. The following essay will overlook some of my rationales.
First,
mankind hates obligation. Compulsory duties have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
brought a lot of pressure and anxiety in our day-to-day lives and
also
subsequent hatred about that obligation.
Consequently
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society might experience
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
amount of discomfort to help a group of
people
who are not
oly
Correct your spelling
only
familiar with but
also
might hate .
For example
, deducting a part of a worker's income who is working 12 hours a day to earn
this
money,
in addition
to the tax, might cause a
subconsuous
Correct your spelling
subconscious
hatred.
Thus
,
this
donation will not result in a better world.
On the contrary
,
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
the
seperation
Correct your spelling
separation
between humans.
Second,
the government is expected to play
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
integral role in providing its citizens
basic
Change preposition
with basic
show examples
needs.
Although
governments of developing
countries
might not be able to afford all of these needs, they should do their best to enable their citizens to improve their situations
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
logical investments
instead
of asking other
countries
to play their roles.
For instance
, the government should recognise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unnecessary expenses and put that money in basic needs.
To sum up
, developed
countries
' assistance to solve the problem of poor
countries
should not be obligatory. I believe that it might increase hateful behaviours in the world.
Moreover
, the government should solve
this
problem not
people
.
Submitted by panizfathi70128 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but the arguments lack depth and development. The points made are somewhat relevant to the prompt, but they are not fully fleshed out, leading to a lack of clear and comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. The essay also presents main points in a logical order, but the development and elaboration of ideas is limited, leading to a lack of clarity and comprehensive ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global solidarity
  • Compulsory benevolence
  • Philanthropy
  • Autonomy
  • Sustainable development
  • Economic repercussion
  • Mismanagement
  • Corruption
  • Capacity building
  • Wealth disparity
  • International aid
  • Dependency
  • Cultural imposition
  • Moral obligation
  • Wealth redistribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: