IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Citizens of all developed countries should be forced to give a percentage of their income to citizens of poorer countries in order to assist them with basic needs. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Helping poor
people
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 has always been viewed as a valuable act that
people
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 have always been encouraged to
in
Add a missing verb
do in
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 order to contribute to a healthy and strong community. It is even suggested that
this
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 assistance should be compulsory for
people
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 who are living in developed
countries
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 to provide
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
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 needs of impoverished
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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of
Change preposition
in
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 developing
countries
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. It is noteworthy to bear in mind that helping those communities can bring positive consequences for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed
countries
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.
However
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, I am completely in disagreement with the above-said idea. The following essay will overlook some of my rationales.
First,
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mankind hates obligation. Compulsory duties have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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brought a lot of pressure and anxiety in our day-to-day lives and
also
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 subsequent hatred about that obligation.
Consequently
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,
the
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apply
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society might experience
great
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a great
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 amount of discomfort to help a group of
people
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 who are not
oly
Correct your spelling
only
 familiar with but
also
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 might hate .
For example
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, deducting a part of a worker's income who is working 12 hours a day to earn
this
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 money,
in addition
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 to the tax, might cause a
subconsuous
Correct your spelling
subconscious
 hatred.
Thus
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,
this
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 donation will not result in a better world.
On the contrary
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,
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 the
seperation
Correct your spelling
separation
 between humans.
Second,
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the government is expected to play
the
Correct article usage
an
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 integral role in providing its citizens
basic
Change preposition
with basic
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 needs.
Although
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 governments of developing
countries
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 might not be able to afford all of these needs, they should do their best to enable their citizens to improve their situations
by
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through
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 logical investments
instead
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 of asking other
countries
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 to play their roles.
For instance
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, the government should recognise
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unnecessary expenses and put that money in basic needs.
To sum up
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, developed
countries
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' assistance to solve the problem of poor
countries
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 should not be obligatory. I believe that it might increase hateful behaviours in the world.
Moreover
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, the government should solve
this
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 problem not
people
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.

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task response
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, but the arguments lack depth and development. The points made are somewhat relevant to the prompt, but they are not fully fleshed out, leading to a lack of clear and comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. The essay also presents main points in a logical order, but the development and elaboration of ideas is limited, leading to a lack of clarity and comprehensive ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global solidarity
  • Compulsory benevolence
  • Philanthropy
  • Autonomy
  • Sustainable development
  • Economic repercussion
  • Mismanagement
  • Corruption
  • Capacity building
  • Wealth disparity
  • International aid
  • Dependency
  • Cultural imposition
  • Moral obligation
  • Wealth redistribution
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