Longer line spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

It is shown that elderly
people
above 60-years old have longer line spans and developments in their health with living full and active lives. I believe that it can be considered positive aspects in providing workforces and reducing a medical expenditure expended by
governments
. One of the advantages
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
older
people
’s participation in society as a whole is that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
can obtain a greater
number
of workforces with elderly
people
working. Nowadays, there are several industries whose
number
of workers is too poor to
product
Replace the word
produce
show examples
their productions.
For example
, in the agricultural industries, according to a public survey, 80% of its owners can not find enough large
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
to cultivate their
productions
Replace the word
products
show examples
such
as vegetables and fruits. If elderly
people
can engage with
such
sectors, the issue, a lack of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
, can be solved, which will benefit society as a whole.
As
Change preposition
On
show examples
another
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
positive side, it can be said that amount of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical expenditure allocated as one of the public
services
by
governments
will be
declined
Replace the word
decline
show examples
in the case of an increased
number
of healthy older
people
.
This
trend brings
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opportunities for
governments
to spend their budgets on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other public
services
. To illustrate
this
, in a certain city’s report, 40% of cities can increase the budget for educational
services
reduced their cost for a medical issue of the elderly
people
by providing healthy exercises to them.
Thus
, if elderly citizens can become more live full and active lives, they will reduce to require
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
medical support as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
public service. It can lead to raising
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
of the other public
services
given by
governments
. In conclusion, older citizens’ longer line spans and enhancements of their health
benefit
Change the noun form
benefits
show examples
society as a whole in terms of raising a figure for workers and developing the other public
services
.
Submitted by 100nami.d on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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