IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Agree or disagree?

#people #money #factor #happiness
Happiness
 plays a crucial role in the
life
 of every
person
. While some
people
 believe that
money
 is a major factor in achieving
happiness
, some others tend to oppose the view and feel that
money
 has nothing to do with
happiness
. I strongly believe that
money
 and
happiness
 are different concepts altogether. On one side of the argument, there are
people
 who believe that
money
 has a major role to play in the
happiness
 of a
person
. Certainly,
money
 is required
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
tp
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 buy anything in
this
 world. Right from daily meals to luxury homes, nothing comes for free.
Thus
, without
money
, it would be very difficult to live a comfortable
life
 and
hence
 it is easy to see why a
person
 cannot be happy without
money
. On the other side of the argument, there are
people
 who believe that
money
 has nothing to do with
happiness
.
Although
 a
cetrain
Correct your spelling
certain
 amount of
money
 is required to lead a
life
 and
people
 cannot be happy without
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that survival amount, the level of
happiness
 of a
person
 does not increase with
money
 that he earns in excess.
Happiness
 is a different concept. Every
person
 finds
happiness
 in different things and it is completely wrong to argue that the richest
person
 is the happiest one.
Happiness
 is a very important emotion and it is required for everyone to be certain in
life
.
This
 has essay discussed why a
person
 needs a certain amount of
money
 to be comfortable in
life
, but why
money
 does not relate to
happiness
 altogether. After having discussed the pertinent points related to the issue, I feel that
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 logical conclusion is that
money
 has nothing to do with
happiness
.
Submitted by sonysondh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: