Some people think that the crime among teenagers is increasing because of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued by some that playing aggressive video games
have
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has
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been causing more offence by young people in modern society. From my point of view, I partly agree with
this
opinion since apart from brutal plays, other factors could lead to the intense behaviour of young folks. In
this
essay, I will elaborate more on
this
in detail. On the one hand, playing video games that
involves
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involve
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intense actions have negative impacts on large numbers of teenagers' behaviours.
Firstly
, they are easily influenced and get the wrong idea of attacking people and think it is okay to be violent.
For example
, many young folks imitate the way of violent characters in games as if it is cool.
According to
some research, people who have seen violent actions for a certain amount of time showed 70% more aggressive actions and facial expressions.
On the other hand
, there are other factors involved in the increased rate of juvenile wrongdoing apart from online
playings
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playing
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. To illustrate
this
, some juveniles commit crimes because of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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academic problems or conflicts with their parents. Some research shows that the percentage of committing a crime
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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to be 60% higher when teenagers are facing some kind of difficulties in life compared to those who have no problems in the academic field or in a family.
For instance
, there was a male student who attacked an elder citizen in February 2022, and he was suffering from
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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educational difficulties.
To conclude
,
although
aggressive online activities have a negative impact on
great
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a great
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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of juveniles, it is not the only reason causing youngsters' crimes. Other factors that are surrounded by them are
also
undeniable.
Submitted by yyurienn on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth in presenting arguments for both sides of the issue. Make sure to provide a more balanced and detailed analysis to fully respond to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence between ideas could be improved by better linking sentences and paragraphs.
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