Some people think that the crime among teenagers is increasing because of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

It is often argued by some that playing aggressive video games

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

been causing more offence by young people in modern society. From my point of view, I partly agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion since apart from brutal plays, other factors could lead to the intense behaviour of young folks. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will elaborate more on

this

Linking Words

in detail.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, playing video games that

involves

Correct subject-verb agreement

involve

show examples

intense actions have negative impacts on large numbers of teenagers' behaviours.

Firstly

Linking Words

, they are easily influenced and get the wrong idea of attacking people and think it is okay to be violent.

For example

Linking Words

, many young folks imitate the way of violent characters in games as if it is cool.

According to

Linking Words

some research, people who have seen violent actions for a certain amount of time showed 70% more aggressive actions and facial expressions.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are other factors involved in the increased rate of juvenile wrongdoing apart from online

playings

Fix the agreement mistake

playing

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. To illustrate

this

Linking Words

, some juveniles commit crimes because of

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

academic problems or conflicts with their parents. Some research shows that the percentage of committing a crime

tend

Correct subject-verb agreement

tends

show examples

to be 60% higher when teenagers are facing some kind of difficulties in life compared to those who have no problems in the academic field or in a family.

For instance

Linking Words

, there was a male student who attacked an elder citizen in February 2022, and he was suffering from

his

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

educational difficulties.

Conclusion

To conclude

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

aggressive online activities have a negative impact on

great

Correct article usage

a great

show examples

numbers

Fix the agreement mistake

number

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of juveniles, it is not the only reason causing youngsters' crimes. Other factors that are surrounded by them are

also

Linking Words

undeniable.

yyurienn

Mar 15, 2022

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task response

The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth in presenting arguments for both sides of the issue. Make sure to provide a more balanced and detailed analysis to fully respond to the prompt.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence between ideas could be improved by better linking sentences and paragraphs.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Some people think that the crime among teenagers is increasing because of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that parents should limit their children’s hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree

Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in. For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centers. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while other think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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