Some people think that the crime among teenagers is increasing because of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crime #teenagers #video #games

It is often argued by some that playing aggressive video games

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

been causing more offence by young people in modern society. From my point of view, I partly agree with

this

opinion since apart from brutal plays, other factors could lead to the intense behaviour of young folks. In

this

essay, I will elaborate more on

this

in detail. On the one hand, playing video games that

involves

Correct subject-verb agreement

involve

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intense actions have negative impacts on large numbers of teenagers' behaviours.

Firstly

, they are easily influenced and get the wrong idea of attacking people and think it is okay to be violent.

For example

, many young folks imitate the way of violent characters in games as if it is cool.

According to

some research, people who have seen violent actions for a certain amount of time showed 70% more aggressive actions and facial expressions.

On the other hand

, there are other factors involved in the increased rate of juvenile wrongdoing apart from online

playings

Fix the agreement mistake

playing

show examples

. To illustrate

this

, some juveniles commit crimes because of

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

academic problems or conflicts with their parents. Some research shows that the percentage of committing a crime

tend

Correct subject-verb agreement

tends

show examples

to be 60% higher when teenagers are facing some kind of difficulties in life compared to those who have no problems in the academic field or in a family.

For instance

, there was a male student who attacked an elder citizen in February 2022, and he was suffering from

his

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

educational difficulties.

To conclude

although

aggressive online activities have a negative impact on

great

Correct article usage

a great

show examples

numbers

Fix the agreement mistake

number

show examples

of juveniles, it is not the only reason causing youngsters' crimes. Other factors that are surrounded by them are

also

undeniable.

Submitted by yyurienn on Tue Mar 15 2022

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task response

The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth in presenting arguments for both sides of the issue. Make sure to provide a more balanced and detailed analysis to fully respond to the prompt.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence between ideas could be improved by better linking sentences and paragraphs.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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