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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over crucial factors
sporting
Change preposition
in sporting
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 games to getting success.
While
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 people hold a strong view that mental
strength
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 plays
such
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 a
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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paramount vital role in
this
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 path, the opposite makes a statement that being strong and fit is more imperative.
Although
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 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned elements. Without a shadow of a doubt, mental
strength
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 is one of the most necessary factors to become a successful athlete, especially for their long-term career. That might be because all athletes in different kinds of sports have not only to practice hard and even consistently but
also
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 to get into a myriad of injuries so a rigid and enduring mental health can greatly assist them to conquer their goal and become successful.
For instance
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, Le Tu Chinh ,who is one of the
fastest running
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fastest-running
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 athletes in VietNam,
still
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is still
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 engaged in the Sea Game and achieved second position despite an urgent knee injury from a year ago.
That is
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due to
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 her mental
strength
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 to keep
practicing
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practising
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 and running to recover after a surgeon so that she can obtain her ambition and become more and more famous.
Hence
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, mental
strength
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 is a crucial element that every athlete needs to possess.
On the other hand
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,
strength
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 and fitness
also
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 have a dominant contribution to people’s management in the sports field.It is explicit to note that they can have
a
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apply
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great support in
athlete’s
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athletes’
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 practice and their enhance-skill process with less time consumed. Nguyen Thi Anh Vien, who is one of the most customary female swimmers in Vietnam, can be cited as a remarkable example. With superior physical health, she soon had a chance to be selected to a national team in the Sea Game and won the highest prize at an early age.
Thus
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, being strong and fit is
also
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 an essential aspect
to become
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of becoming
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 a successful athlete. In conclusion, it is ideal for people to combine both mental and physical
strength
Use synonyms
 to get success in every type of sport.

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introduction
Your introduction is clear and sets up the discussion well, but consider rephrasing for greater clarity. For example, 'There are controversial perspectives on the factors that contribute to success in sports. Some argue that mental strength is paramount, while others believe that physical fitness is more essential.'
conclusion
Your conclusion is succinct and ties the discussion together, but try to restate the main points for fuller closure. For instance, 'In conclusion, while both mental and physical strengths are vital, their combination is the key to achieving success in sports.'
supporting examples
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning Le Tu Chinh's mental strength and Nguyen Thi Anh Vien's physical fitness. This strengthens your arguments considerably.
task completion
Your essay demonstrates a clear and comprehensive response to the task, considering both perspectives and presenting a balanced view.
logical structure
You've generally maintained good coherence in your ideas and transitions, making your essay easy to follow.
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