IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 mins. Write about the following topic: Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

#mins #topic #people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
 argue that using mobiles in public areas is not appropriate
due to
 the noise and should
therefore
 be banned. I completely disagree with the idea as I believe
people
 can avoid causing a disturbance to
others
 with the correct
use
 of their cell
phones
. First and foremost,
people
 carry their mobile
phones
 everywhere they go in the hope that they can be within the reach of their family members, potential customers, and friends at all times regardless of where they are. They are aware that there may be times when someone needs to contact them right away.
For example
, there could be a friend who needs help in case of emergencies
such
 as facing a car accident or a police officer informing them of the robbery in their house. If mobile
phones
 were banned in public
places
, they would be missing out on important updates.
Moreover
, some students
use
 their cell
phones
 in libraries for the purpose of studying.
For instance
,
while
 reading a book in the library, they may need to
use
 an online dictionary on their mobile device to look up the unknown/unfamiliar word they come across.
Also
,
people
 can be educated to
use
 their
phones
 in a way that does not bother
others
 in public
places
such
 as putting their cells on silent or vibration mode so that they keep in touch with their
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
 ones remotely or lowering their voices on calls in order not to disturb
others
. Some
people
 may say that mobile
phones
 in public
places
 are bad because it makes
people
 unaware of the discomfort they are causing
others
.
However
, I think it is not that serious compared to missing the news about the robbery in the house.
This
 problem can be addressed provided that individuals put their cells on silence in pubic-related areas or speak more quietly
while
 answering their phone calls. In conclusion, even though mobile
phones
 cause trouble to the public to some extent, I do not think they should be banned in public
places
.
Instead
,
people
 should be encouraged to
use
 their mobile
phones
 more wisely in those areas.
Submitted by sirenaphyo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure to provide more specific examples to support your points. You can include statistics or real-life scenarios to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. Make sure to maintain this organization throughout the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that address the prompt clearly.
task response
Clear and comprehensive ideas presented throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Disturbance
  • Disruptive
  • Exposure
  • Eye strain
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Social isolation
  • Hinder
  • Emergency situations
  • Quick access
  • Crucial
What to do next:
Look at other essays: