Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

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Technology improvement has a prominent impact on society,
for
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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doing work from home or online study is possible nowadays.
As the
Correct word choice
The
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refining of online systems in both prices and accessibility
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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remote activity
become
Verb problem
apply
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more available, which altered modern society's perspective towards online activity. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
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this
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transformation has its own advantages and disadvantages. The most influenced by
this
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change is efficiency,
such
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as time and money usage. Time management will be easier to conduct since people will be doing their job and learning in their homes,
therefore
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they will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not waste time
on
Change preposition
apply
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driving.
In addition
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, they could use it to do the task or study
instead
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of driving. In terms of money, the labour and student would save the gas bill.
Moreover
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, the lunch could be done in their home,
hence
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it will save the meal budget.
On the other hand
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, doing work or studying remotely would
bring
Verb problem
have
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immense
Correct article usage
an immense
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effect
in
Change preposition
on
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direct socializing. Since they will not interact directly, it would
make
Verb problem
create
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a huge gap in communication skills. Even though, communication could be done by video conference and chatting. It is still different from face-to-face socializing. Where you could feel the warm chat and body contact with your partner or engage in the group task with your peer
for example
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. Those simple interactions would lead to a better bond between people.
Whereas
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, online interaction has
scarcity
Correct article usage
a scarcity
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in
Change preposition
of
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physical contact. In conclusion, remote working or class has its own advantages and disadvantages. I believe
,
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apply
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the online system would lead society to a brighter era as long as we could use it wisely.

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Task Response
Ensure to fully address the prompt and provide a balanced argument on whether working and studying from home is positive or negative. Include specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and the conclusion is brief. Try to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs with supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • telecommuting
  • work-life balance
  • environmental impact
  • socio-economic background
  • face-to-face interaction
  • interpersonal skills
  • productivity
  • reliable technology
  • quality of education
  • flexible schedule
  • cost savings
  • commuting
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