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Writing Samples
Band 5

Not long ago ,people stored information in books. These days people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #information #books #store #internet
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Nowadays it is quite common to use the
internet
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 to store
knowledge
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eventhough
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even though
people
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 used
books
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 often before. Even
elementry
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elementary
 school students enjoy searching
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information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
 on the
internet
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 at their school and home when they are looking for some ideas. I believe that the advantages of storing
knowledge
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 on the
internet
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donot
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do not
don't
 outweigh the disadvantages. Through analysing the possibility that
informacion
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information
 of
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 contains false as well as the
dangerousneass
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dangerousness
 of depriving the
ability
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 of thinking by themselves.
First
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 of all, compared to
books
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, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of false
information
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 on the
internet
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 because anybody can write
down
Correct pronoun usage
it down
show examples
 on the form.
For instance
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, a web page says that smoking is good for reducing
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
 and another one says that for shaping your body,
people
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 should not smoke. It is difficult to find
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 correct answer for citizens because there are
prenty
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plenty
 of
infomacion
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information
 including false ones.
Therefore
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,
people
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 can find
an propper
Remove the article
propper information
a piece of propper information
show examples
information
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 in
books
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not
Add the comma(s)
,not
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 on the
internet
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.
Moreover
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,
People
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 can not
grew
Change the verb form
grow
show examples
 up the
ability
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 of thinking when they use
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internet
intenet
Correct article usage
the intenet
show examples
 for
sarching
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searching
information
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.
For example
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, for finding some answer,
people
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 only need
putting
Change the verb form
to put
show examples
 some keywords on the searching box while
people
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 need to go
library
Change preposition
to library
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 and look for a book which
supplys
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supplies
supply
 good
information
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.
People
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 think more deeply when they try to get
information
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by
Change preposition
from
show examples
books
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 than
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
internet
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.
Thus
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,
sroring
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storing
knowledge
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 by
books
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make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 thinking
ability
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 strong when they try to find some
ansewers
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answers
. In summary, the
internet
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 has a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
lot of false
information
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 and the
internet
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 contains the dangerousness of depriving thinking
ability
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from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, I believe that the benefits of storing
knowledge
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 outweigh the disadvantages.
Eventhoug
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Even though
 the
internet
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 has spread greatly for storing
information
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 decades,
people
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 need to
concider
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consider
 about the influences of
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Submitted by lyu on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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