IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Arguably, the advancement of automation is undoubtedly vanishing the old customs since those two aspects do not co-exist. Personally, I strongly agree with the view since machinery is replacing traditional culture.
Although
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, sometimes one
complement
Change the verb form
complements
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 the other.
This
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 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide anecdotal evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, the advancement of machinery eliminates traditional traits.
In other words
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, these machines like television, radio, computers and cars change the ancient lifestyle resulting in a new way of living.
For instance
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, over the past years without tablets and computers, individuals travelled long distances to visit others or to send a letter,
however
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,
due to
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 apparatus these old actions have completely vanished.
As a result
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, people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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no longer recollect these habits done by their ancestors.
Moreover
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, these days
solely
Rephrase
only
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 a few nations have their traditional costumes conserved.
On the other hand
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, conventional costumes and technology mix sometimes
is
Verb problem
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useful. There are cultures that utilised technology to promote their ancient costumes and it proved to be worthwhile.
For example
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, Americans used the power of media
such
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 as TV and radio to spread their music
as
Correct word choice
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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British individuals applied the same way to promote the premier league.
Hence
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, their ancient habits are conserved and loved throughout the world. In conclusion, notwithstanding the co-existence between traditional culture and innovation, the second is gradually eliminating the first.
Therefore
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, I still strongly agree with the statement.
In addition
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, I recommend that the world-ruling power protects ancient habits despite the power of the machines.

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue. Develop the arguments more thoroughly to enhance the task response.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay into clearer paragraphs with topic sentences and transitions between ideas. Revisit the introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful and connected to the main body of the essay.
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