IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, school are open till late so that children can be looked after when parents are at work. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

#countries #school #children #parents #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that in the competitive world,
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 proportion of toddlers
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 all day
time
 at the schools because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
parents
 are working.
This
 essay will articulate its merits and demerits in the following paragraphs. To commence with the benefits of
this
 trend when schools are increased their opening hours for taking care of
children
. The most predominant one is that
children
 can broaden their
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
 by spending
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
 at
school
. To explicate it, students can work on their weak points with the assistance of
tutor
Correct article usage
a tutor
show examples
 which is not possible at home.
For example
, a recent survey was done conducted by the Education Department they revealed 9 out of 10 students got
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 score in their studies when they spend their 50%
time
 at
school
.
Thus
,
school
 is the best place for the
children
 where they can utilize their
time
 in the absence of
parents
.
However
, on the other side there
few
Add a missing verb
are few
show examples
 drawbacks when
parents
 put their
children
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
 for the whole day. The most prominent one is that they do not have
time
 for their leisure activities. To explain it, it leads to many health disorders which prohibit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
intellectual growth and it has
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
Replace the word
effect
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on their studies.
For instance
, a headline of
famous
Correct article usage
the famous
show examples
 news channel BBC BRITISH BROADCASTING CORPORATION found that 80% of
children
 are suffering
with
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 psychological problems due to the busy schedule of
parents
 and they need to stay all day in the
school
.
That is
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it has
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on the health of the
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 as well as their curriculum. In conclusion,
although
 there are some negative impacts on the development of
children
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I believe that the positive sides outweigh them because
school
time
 helps students to hone their skills for becoming successful person
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 life.
Submitted by lovepreetkaur2725 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: