IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many students find it difficult to concentrate at school. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to solve this problem?

#students #school
In a century of information, there is a big problem of focusing
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 pupils. Let's think
why
Change preposition
about why
show examples
 it's happening and what we can do to improve the situation. I reckon gadgets are stealing
attention
 the most. Instagram and TikTok
packed
Add a missing verb
are packed
show examples
 with involving content, which
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not let
children
 stop using it.
However
, those who could do it immediately pay
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
attention
 to
Add an article
the relationship
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
,
also
Correct pronoun usage
which also
show examples
 popular in a pubertal period. So that teachers face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a competition for
children
's
attention
. They have to create new ways of engaging, managing class activities and changing
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 as often as pupils got bored.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 great idea is using
application
Correct article usage
the application
show examples
 Kahoot.
This
 app
let
Change the verb form
lets
show examples
 patricians study in a playing mode.  What else can be implemented is a revision of
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 programme. Lack of focus could be reasoned misunderstanding why
this
 information should be learned and how it could help in a real life. I think practice makes perfect, so
children
 should do more
work shops
Correct your spelling
workshops
show examples
.
For instance
, Maths should teach how to earn
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 money, Languages how to write a bestseller, History how to be a great president. Perhaps, many parents suggest imitating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using gadgets in school. It would be a better environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if there were no distracting factors.
Nevertheless
, we will not be able to provide them with
this
 environment in the real world. School should prepare for life, so let's show how to
Correct your spelling
use
show examples
us
Correct your spelling
use
show examples
 gadgets properly and learn how to manage
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
attention
.
This
 will be very useful for all of us.
Submitted by juliafromkazan2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: